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maynrkg

Understanding Runners



Summer is in full swing, meaning runners are, also. Perhaps you have glimpsed fascinating creatures about and out, loping along trails and paths. Maybe you have even visit this site seen fascinating creatures in suburban settings, like coffeehouses and supermarkets, hunting for food.

But what can you actually know about these shy creatures that are aerobic? Are not they safe? What do they eat? How will you dispose of one that's in your house?

These questions aren't academic. More and more property is developed, and as the population grows, human-runner interactions will only grow. The following information will help prepare you.

Why do runners run?

Why do runners run? You might as well inquire, "Why do birds fly?" or "Why do fish swim?" or "Why do people purchase scratch-off lottery tickets?" The answer to all those questions is the same: Because it is wonderful. Additionally, in the case of running, because maybe you'll be able to lose a couple of pounds.

Why are those crazy clothes worn by runners?

Scientists are uncertain exactly what purpose is served by the skimpy and usually brilliantly coloured equipment runners wear. One theory is that it's intended to attract prospective mates. Another is it's defensive, as it makes them more visible. Some biologists consider that runners have actually evolved to prefer more brilliant clothing, as those wearing dull shades like "Pavement Gray" often not live long enough to replicate.

Are runners dangerous?

They should never be provoked by you, obviously. But runners by their nature will go from their way in order to avoid confrontation and are docile. Yet, females shoving on jogging strollers may attack if they feel their infants are in danger. Also, specific phrases that are hearing might enrage runners; among them:

-- "Running will ruin your knees."

-- "Marathons cause heart attacks."

-- "Hey, you're a jogger, right?"

-- "Jogging will ruin your knees."

Runners may react powerfully. Meaning, they'll go on to Facebook and post a rant that their running friends will then "Like."

What do runners eat?

Runners love a diverse diet, consisting of bananas, sports drinks, bagels, pizza, smoothies, beer, pasta, spareribs, chicken lo mein, muffins, scrambled eggs, sushi, ice cream, broiled shrimp skewers, black bean enchiladas, and those big turkey legs they sell at state fairs and Renaissance festivals. And that is only on their days that are long-run.

You might be tempted to feed runners--especially the skinny ones--but do not do it. You'll only bring more of them, and runners swarming in great amounts can be a nuisance.

What should I do if I face a runner who is lost and frightened?

From time to time, a runner find himself in unfamiliar land and may roam from his pack, like a dinner party filled with extroverts or a sports bar. Frequently, he will seem confused, or agitated.

Don't panic! Runners can sense anxiety, and it will only make a bad situation worse. Approach the runner and ask about his footwear or his watch. Both will likely be running -particular. Shortly he'll be talking about running, nonstop, that'll put him at ease. This will buy you some time while someone phones the nearest specialty running store. Someone will be sent by the store to collect the base runner and return him to security.

What if I find a runner in my house?

Notably in air conditioned dwellings, runners may seek relief in the hot summertime and panic when they can't get back outside--particularly once they understand that their GPS watch has lost its satellite connection. If you find a base runner put in your dwelling, open a door and try to "shoo" her out with a broom. If this doesn't work, try a little trickery. Pointing outside and shouting, "Hey! Isn't that the guy who wrote "Born to Run"?" has been known to work.

Just how do they reproduce?

Runners practice a complex mating ritual that commences with the man donning a novelty T shirt reading "Distance Runners Do It Longer" and finishes suddenly, minutes later, with the female reminding him that they both have to be up early for a long run so they really should merely "hit the hay."

In short: No one understands.

There is much more, naturally. Runners are complicated, fascinating creatures, and they've much to teach us. I really hope that this advice helps ensure your meetings with runners--this summer and beyond-- are healthful and happy ones.

Don't be the product, buy the product!

Schweinderl